Daughters that lack mother love, face a lot of problems which comes from the hardships of living a crazy lifestyle. This is why they are drawn to narcisists. Living a life with an egoistic mother is probably one of the most cruel types of child abuse. It can be very discrete, so no one could realize that abuse is even taking place.
According to the writings of one daughter with an egoistic mother:
Daughters of such mothers have observed various situations, different ages, different memories and have suffered differently. However, they can all agree that the end-result of growing up with this kind of a mother is basically the same.
It is a kind of a denial of the soul, and I would say that the hurt it causes is more crooked than any other form of abuse of children, It is barely visible, even to the culprit (who is not aware of the pain she’s causing) and the victim (who feels the pain). The pain caused is just so evil, unfair and crippling.
I personally had no idea that there was an abuse taking place. I could never understand my sister for leaving home at 15 to live with the neighbors and who left home for good at 17. I would often ask myself if she had some problems. It had never occurred to me to start asking myself where my depression, problems with eating and suicidal thoughts and attempts came from.
We tend to not speak about stressful situations and find the guilt in ourselves. The egoistic mother and the father who’s an accomplice often contribute to this and have no trouble to make us know that we are insane, gaslighting us and saying that our memories and perception are wrong. It is as if they openly say that we are insane.
During the last conversation I had with my mother she told me condescendingly that I have a very nice imagination – meaning that I had imagined all the things I had said.
If our mother tells us she loves us we still believe it is so, and are not able to discern and grasp that love cannot and should not be displayed in such a derogating and humiliating way. Society tells us, often too much that mothers love their children and that children need to love their mothers, hence friends won’t comprehend this.
We believe we love our mothers because it is what daughters are supposed to do, thus as normal girls who know how to love we seek love too.
This ever fruitful legacy of daughters with egoistic mothers is never ending and has been described sorely. We just feel as if we can’t be our unique self, even if we can assume who that unique self is. We have low self-respect, even hate ourselves, and we lack personal care. We often talk negatively about ourselves and this is the reason why we can’t love ourselves as we are.
We often tend to believe that we are not worth to be alive, feel like it’s never good enough what we do, and that no one can accept us, as if we inborn imperfections.
It is either as if we are always sabotaging ourselves or fight with OCD.
We tend to become euphoric as soon as we realize that we have Narcissistic Personality Disorder and that we are not completely insane, but we shortly become angered, saddened, ashamed and even hateful.
We are mostly tired of the dismissal of our accomplishments and our sad stories being used by emotional vampires to drain our lives. We most likely still feel like that girl in the past, and we are afraid to possess or use our own strengths, which makes us strengthless. For too long in the past we’ve been told that we are much too delicate, and we probably have become thus now.
We find it difficult to set our limits, be it with family or friends. We are much too afraid of people becoming angry at us or with someone in charge. We often ask ourselves whether we too are narcissists.
We tend to have issues with our body, fighting obesity or anorexia. We even face fears from mothers in later years of our lives no matter how successful or realized we are. We may be still trying to convince her to agree on something or provide us with her attention – to no avail of course.
We often feel urges to terminate all contact with her, however we are very scared and indecisive about it. There’s no doubt that it is difficult for us to establish relationships, or worse we are drawn to unfulfilling and harsh ones.
We are constantly afraid of being abandon and have issues with trusting others. We feel as if the world is not a safe place. Deep inside we feel as if we are not entitled to positive things, fine relationships or even that we don’t deserve to feel well.
We might believe that if we feel well, our mothers will get away with their abuse, and wear our sadness and tragedy as a badge to prove that the abuse did take place.