When you love someone it's hard to just cut ties with them even tho it hurts to be with them. We get tied up in our feelings and afraid of letting go and not knowing what could be. Having to let go of a future planned with that person is never easy.
But sometimes its not a matter of how much you love them, but how much you love yourself. Loving yourself is important because it will keep you from doing overtime and hurting yourself by staying where you are not appreciated.
Self love will keep you from sabotaging your future with the right one. Here are some tips on how to let go:
Remember the benefits of moving on.
When you let go, you give yourself peace. Everything about holding on is torturous. You regret, you feel ashamed and guilty, you rehash, you obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it.
When you’re holding onto something, you’re less open to giving and receiving anything else.If you had your arms wrapped around a huge bucket of water, you wouldn’t be able to give anything other than that bucket, or grab anything else that came your way.
You might even struggle breathing because you’re clutching something so all-encompassing with so much effort.You have to give to receive. Give love to get love, share joy to feel joy. It’s only possible if you’re open and receptive.
Work on forgiving yourself.
You might think you made the biggest mistake of your life and if only you didn’t do it, you wouldn’t be in pain right now. Don’t go down that road—there’s nothing good down there! Instead, keep reminding yourself that you are human. You’re entitled to make mistakes; everyone does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.
Also, keep in mind: if you want to feel love again in the future, the first step is to prepare yourself to give and receive it. You can only do that if you feel love toward yourself. And that means forgiving yourself.
Hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps you stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when you feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining your chances at knowing love again.
It’s helped me to change my hopes to broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter your life, want love and happiness, whatever that may look like. You will know love again. You won’t spend the rest of your life alone.
In one way or another, you will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if you forgive yourself, let go, and open yourself up, that is.
Practice releasing regrets.
When a relationship ends, it’s tempting to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. This might seem productive—like you can somehow change things by rehashing it. You can’t. All dwelling does is cause you to suffer.
When you start revisiting the past in your head, pull yourself into the moment. Focus on the good things in your current situation: the friends who are there for you and the lessons you’ve learned that will help you with future relationships.
It might help to tell your friends to only let you vent for ten minutes at a time. That way you’re free to express your feelings, but not drown in them.
Recognize and replace fearful thoughts.
When you’re holding onto a relationship, it’s usually more about attachment than love. Love wants for the other person’s happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel the alternative.
You might not recognize these types of fearful thoughts because they become habitual. Some examples include: I’ll never feel loved again. I’ll always feel lonely. I am completely powerless.
Replace those thoughts with: All pain passes eventually. It will be easier if I help them pass by being mindful. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.